Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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