And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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