do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's blow job season.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
