I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
