I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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