I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize