im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
