The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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