He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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