Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
