So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
