Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
