You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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