So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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