Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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