take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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