I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
