you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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