im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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