He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
