he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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