I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
