I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
