Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
