thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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