I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
