i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
