Umm I'm too high to move.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
