honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
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My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize