I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
