Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
