so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
