His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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