Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
