You smell like stripper and shame
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
