she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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