well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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