someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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