He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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