none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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