Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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