when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
