So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
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Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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