Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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