just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
