Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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