fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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