Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
