dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
