so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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