During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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