Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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