You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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