ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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