Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
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only if we run a train.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine