everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
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My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...