The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
this is an emotional support booty call
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.