ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
